david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
