Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
