is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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