It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
