Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
