We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
