sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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