Pappa wants mamma naked
they need to just BURY HIM!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
