I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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