The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
