I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
