I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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