I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
