OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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