the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
