Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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