summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
