My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize