In the future we'll all be gay
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
