I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
