i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sorry about my life...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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