STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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