Is it normal to miss your booty call?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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