Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
