Will you blow on my dice?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
