Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
