i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I need moral support for this bender
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
