Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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