I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
