You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
