508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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