did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
