Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
