Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
