omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My ass is underappreciated
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize