Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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