What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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