I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He felt like a one man threesome
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have fence marks all over my body
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
