You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
