Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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