Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
