If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
