Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
