sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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