I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
