so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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