mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
