ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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