My Higher Power is John Stamos
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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