I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
