If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just forgot I was standing up.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
