I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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