That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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