the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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