Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Randomize
