SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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