Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
