Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
