a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
