youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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