proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
