I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
