i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
