This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Randomize
