I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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