She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize