No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
