you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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