Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
