it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
