don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
