omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
