FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If its not for food we ain't going out.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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