i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
