Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
