Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
