Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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