When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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