he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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