I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize