Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
