Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
