were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
